Cue Taylor Swift's Anti-Hero song
Yesterday, I was suddenly motivated and determined to keep on writing my short film for the first time in two weeks. When I sat down with an iced coffee in front of my Macbook Air, then page to my Arc Studio Pro's project at the ready, I felt dread blooming and I thought for no apparent reason:
"I see, so that's why I haven't been writing. I still shouldn't write it because I'm afraid–"
And, I shit you not, I immediatly reacted to this thought with:
"Oh noooo, not YOU again!"
The fear!
And then I burst out laughing as I remembered the scene in Swift's music video when she opens the door and sees… herself!
I pictured the same scene with me and my fear, where she waves and smiles at me and says the brilliant lyrics:
"It's me, hi. I'm the problem, it's me."
Because, yeah, she's damn right! My fear is the problem.
My fear of succeeding, of not being good enough (or at all!), of failing, of others' mean critics, of being laughed at, of… You see?
This, this fear, is my problem in writing.
What is yours?
It can be the same as me, or it can be writer's block, lack of self-esteem, deeply-rooted negative opinions of yourself or constant exhaustion…
But if it's the fear, please keep on reading.
I then realized that whatever I'd do, no matter how hard I slammed the door to Fear's face, shouted at her, pulled at my hair, cried myself to a puddle, or–gasps!–listened to her… The Fear would always be there. She'd stay around. Like a nosy someone.
She'd hover over my shoulder, making me feel afraid and doubt myself.
But you know what?
She would win… only if I let her.
I'm the one in control.
I'm the writer.
She's only real if I let her.
Just like a story, and a bad one at that…
And so, what did I do after picturing this scene and laughing?
I took a sip of my iced coffee and kept on writing. And I made progress.
I keep on writing and making progress even now.
Okay, sure, Fear is annoying.
But now I don't let her write my story.
Instead, I suggest you do this when she shows up at your doorstep:
- Open the door, and smile
- Invite her in calmly
- Tell her: you can sit or hover, but I've got writing to do.
- Sit down and write.
- When she makes you afraid, tell her you know she's there, but she's fictional, too…
- Then say, proudly:
"And I'm the writer after all."
I hope this bit of life helps you!
It sure did spur me into action and yes, I do the suggestion I gave you now, and yes, I keep on writing. 🙂
She's not invincible, the fear. She just wants you to think she is.
See you next post, darlings!
Ad Librum Aeternam 